I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
