So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
