what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
