Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
