...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
