Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
