I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You took a bar mat shot.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
