You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
