You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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