Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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