Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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