btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
