Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
