Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
