omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was born a porn star she said
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bring me that man meat
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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