It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
