They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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