he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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