I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
