Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A+ Viking dick
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
