I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
