wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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