I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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