my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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