i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
