It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
