we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
