Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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