was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
