my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
