she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize