You just made me feel so damn special
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
