Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
