just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
