I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My vagina just clenched in fear
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
