My room smells like vodka and shame
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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