I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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