dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
