isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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