eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
