What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
