My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
