Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
smell my finger.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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