i need an iv and a liver transplant
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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