Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
