"it" just moved
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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