Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
