This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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