he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
