I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
