Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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