just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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