Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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