my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
