I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize