everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
