Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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