I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
