i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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