problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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