We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
