he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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