dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
