and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
