She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
