i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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