lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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