3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
