Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
