Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just pee around me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
