she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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