Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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