You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
