dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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