3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
