Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
