my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
