Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
her vagine was all disorganized.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
