whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
