I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
