I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
