90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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