I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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