Swine flu. Run for my life!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
