We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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